In March of 1986 I was visiting Toronto, Canada on a speaking tour as a missionary with Action Ministries (my mission agency). I was supposed to be speaking about missions and particularly missions to Filipino Muslims, and I did. It was really a work trip, and I worked. But in the course of all the labor I met a young lady~Rachel Perez~a mission candidate with Action who made sure I got to the classes I was scheduled to speak in at People’s Church; and through that short contact, a weekend only, we connected~from the heart~in the Lord.
I left Toronto to complete my trip, traveling to various destinations in the US and then returned to Toronto in May. In the interim, I had purchased a diamond and after being in Toronto for a couple of weeks I asked her if she would marry me. I guess if she had said no, I would have just given her the diamond for a souvenir and left~but she said ‘Yes”; and then she said I really needed to talk to her father in Manila. Ok, said I, gladly.
And so upon return to Manila I set a meeting to get to know her parents, who were very gracious in receiving me and very serious in getting to know me~so serious in fact that at our first meeting her father, the late Dr. Nestor Perez instructed, after I stated my intentions toward his daughter, ”This is what we will do. You will come to my house every Sunday for breakfast. After we eat, we will attend church together and after church we will take our lunch at our home, after which you can go home sometime in the afternoon. If anyone asks who you are we will not mention your interest in Rachel. We will only say you are a family friend, for there are more important matters to attend to than making a big announcement at this time. The announcement will come in due course, if all is in order.” His meaning was clear. There was going to be an order to all this, set by him, for he had the authority and I didn’t at that point. Further, my relationship with the family was very important as was my character~and no permission would be given unless~well~I checked out okay. Thus, he planned my Sundays for me for the near future at least and I was bright enough to know that he was serious. So since he was and I was serious too, I began to spend my Sundays at his house.
Now the interesting thing about that arrangement was, Rachel was back in Canada! I was going to have to go it alone in getting
to know both her parents and all her family who lived in Manila and that, without her presence. Wow, that was going to be interesting. The first lunch we had together included Tatay and Nanay Perez (Dad and Mom in English), her two brothers, Sammy and Jonet and their wives Madora and Aida, and children (Eunice and Daniel and JaJa~but Johanna had not been born yet) plus Rachel’s aunt and an aunt of Jonet’s wife, Aida~a total of eleven family members~and me, the only white guy! But I wasn’t nervous, not really. Do you believe me? And that wasn’t even the whole family, for the three sisters, Aleli (who I knew already), Leah and Kalayaan and their families lived in Canada, Australia and the US respectively.
I remember that lunch like it was yesterday. I also remember how Sammy, Jonet and I went to the side yard after lunch and shot rifles. We set targets up on a thick concrete wall, moved back some distance and got set up~and being the guest I was given the first shot. I took aim, and slowly squeezed off a shot and well, it hit the target close to the center~in fact, it may have been in the center, I don’t know. I do know though, that Rachel’s brothers and I seemed to click from that point on. It’s a guy thing. I had never thought my training in marksmanship in the Marine Corp could help me out with landing a wife, but it in some small way it did.
We would have many more breakfasts and lunches together over the months following until, after building a relationship with Rachel’s family from late May through the summer, I was given approval by Tatay Perez to marry his daughter with the wedding taking place in Toronto on December 6, 1986~23 years ago.
As I reflect on those events of so long ago I’m pretty sure that from an American point of view, the request of Rachel’s father and the amount of time I spent with Rachel’s family, getting to know them without her, may seem strange or even unreasonable, flying in the face of the ultimate American value~independence. But I wouldn’t trade that time for the world, nor all the memories of being in the family home in Manila that resulted. We ate, we laughed, we talked, we built relationship~and the time was golden, never to be regretted nor forgotten. I’m also convinced the Eastern way has centuries of wisdom behind it in matters of marriage~and if more parents took the kind of interest in their daughters marriage partner and his character and suitability that Tatay and Nanay Perez took there would be far less marital failure~but that’s a topic for another blog post.
As I reflect, I also know that apart from Providence she and I never would have met and married at all. Rachel was born in the Philippines and had immigrated to Canada in 1977 while I was born in France, grew up in Tennessee, migrated to California in 1981 and moved to Philippines in 1986. Providence had taken us in literal opposite directions but it was in this round about way that Providence ultimately brought us together. Our marriage was His design~no doubt in my mind; and though I am uncertain about some things in life, being married to the girl I’m married to sure isn’t one of them.
In hindsight there is a twofold lesson in our story for those Christian young people out there who are not yet married and who are, perhaps, a bit impatient about their singleness. The first lesson is that the Lord we serve is trustworthy and will not withhold good from us~and if we wait on Him for our mate, and if marriage is His will for us (and it usually is, seeing that most people marry) He will provide the right mate in due time. When Rachel and I met we both had waited a long time for the right person. We were both in our early thirties but the Lord brought us together in His due time as we waited on Him and were serving Him.
The second lesson is, His providence directs life and brings about His will~even when we can’t see His working~and even when two people grow up in different worlds, and literally move in opposite directions in life. Rachel and my meeting can be explained in one of two ways~either as mere coincidence or as being the result of Providential direction~and knowing Christ, the latter is clearly the reason. So the advise is pray, trust, wait on the Lord and enjoy life until He provides. Why worry about a mate? Know what you desire in a mate and ask the Lord to lead you to her or him in His time, allowing time for Him to work. He will answer in due time.
So, in light of our 23rd anniversary Rachel and I give glory to God for His gift to us. It really was a celebration of providence~for the Providence caused the lines to fall to us in pleasant places 23 years ago~and has continued to do so to this very day.
